by: Jordan Vetro 

Chrismas time: a time to celebrate the birth of Christ and show peace and love on earth towards your fellow men and women, and to give in the true spirit of Christ’s Law. Well, it should be, but it ain’t. No it ain’t. In today’s world, Christmas has been skewed and twisted into some deplorable business too demented for anyone to recognize.

So whose fault is it? Who has taken such a pure and beautiful thing and turned it into such a freakish and frightening thing? Oh, I know I know, its the big businesses right? Coca-Cola and Nike.

They’ve all gotten together and turned a giving holiday into a taking one so that they can manipulate the masses into handing over loads of cash. Yeah right. Who are we kidding?  Business executives can’t do that. Little do we know, they are under the control of a much deeper, more dangerous threat, that if left unmonitored could lead to our total and ultimate OBLIVION!

What I am really trying to say is that Christmas has become vulnerable to the dreaded virus that many of us have come to know as.. . COMMUNISM! That’s right everyone, the red stain. Beware! We are facing the next Cuban Missile Crisis, quietly shrouded. It’s true, friends and neighbors, that we have a true blue conspiracy on our hands. I shall show you now, how it all works.

Did you ever notice how much this guy:            looks like this guy:

                          .

The first guy is the Jolly Red fellow many of us have come to know as Santa Claus, St. Nick or Father Christmas. The second, as I’m sure many of you are aware, is Karl Marx, publisher of the Communist Manifesto and the father of modern Communism. That’s right. Santa Clause is the image of Karl Marx created by the communists to allow them to easily infiltrate our society, and soon, Santa’s going to make his big move.

So where is this all coming from? Well this guy of course,

This is Fidel. The current leader of Communist Cuba. Did we really think that he was gonna sit by and let capitalism take over? That’s where a 126 year old Joseph Stalin, a.k.a. This guy:

He is the previous leader of Communist Russia and is still hiding today, growing his long white beard and eating gourmet, preparing one day to fly in on his rocket powered sleigh shuttle, to bring Communism into your home!

In all truth, we should have seen the signs. I mean, come on. RED? The world’s favorite Christmas colour. Ever seen this berfore?

And honestly, fir trees, do we not see these growing somewhere particular in the world?

That is Siberia, in the Northern parts of what USED to be communist USSR, where all the Russian Gulags (work camps) used to be. They are using our big purchase natures to ship over their fir trees and make billions of dollars off of our capitalist natures!

AND WE NEVER SAW IT COMING.

And how did I figure all of this out? How was I the one who discovered the true and vile nature of everyone’s favorite holiday? Because last year, I got up on Santa’s knee and I asked for a pony for Christmas and all I got was socks and stuff. This could only be the work of Communists!

So please I beg you. This Christmas, forget about the commercialism and the pomp and finery. Because you might just be under the affect of communism.