By Tim Grace

Musical Travesty

My music teacher was intimidating. She was straight out of the 70’s, but had the clothing of the 80’s, and the attitude of the 90’s. So, she ended up being an intergenerational music teacher that could relate to anyone. Or so it would seem. In grade 9, I remember her calling people goats, and I figured it was an insult. I hoped I would never hear this derogatory term that would liken me to a four legged creature that was is best known for it’s hair, milk, cheese, and ability to stand on really pointy mountains without falling off. The years went by and I continued to hear people being called goats. There was one girl in my grade who kept singing “Goats go to heaven, and sheep go to hell” repeatedly, despite the fact that we told her they were the wrong lyrics, she continued to share her vocal “talents” with us.

One day, it happened. I was called a goat. My world was turned upside down and I felt somewhat like a shaggy milk-producing farm animal. By the end of OAC (grade 13) I realized something. The term Goat was being used as a term of endearment. This changed everything. We knew she appreciated us by her use of the term because she always said it with a smile.

In our final year, we got her a plaque that said “To our number one goat”. Goats aren’t necessarily evil. And only once you realize that you are a goat in someone’s eyes, can you live your life to fulfillment.

Chalk Tells the Truth

The term Barbeque originated from the way that the French used to skewer goats over the fire. They put the skewer from the beard (barb) to the tail (que), thus resulting in the present day English term, barbeque.

This was learned from a supply teacher in French class who drew a surprisingly realistic goat on the board to demonstrate. I went to erase it later in the class for something else and my classmates yelled at me for removing the work of art from the board. I guess where there are goats, there is no forgiveness.*

* This statement is not theologically correct.