by: Jason Edgar

 As many of you are well aware, during the service auction by the Missions Task Force Committee, I purchased Brian Blake’s “guaranteed will-not-finish” steak dinner. I am happy to say that I undertook this challenge last Sunday (February 11th 2007).  And quite an undertaking it was!  The meal included steak, potatoes, carrots, and fried tomatoes.
 To start off, I first want to commend Brian in his cooking.  He had told me earlier that he cooks a mean steak, and after sampling it, I would have to say he is wrong.  The term “mean” just does not do it justice.  There are no words to describe what I ate.  It was BY FAR, the BEST steak I had ever had!  Not only was the steak fantastic (again, an understatement), but the rest of the meal was phenomenal as well!
 Brian underwent the tedious and long enduring task of cooking such a meal at 5:00; at 6:00 my enduring task began.  I dug into the first course of carrots and a T-bone end, followed by potatoes and a pair of top grade steaks.  After that were more carrots, and some fried tomatoes.  Then, a massive steak (one that sized all the steak I had already eaten combined) and a dish of potatoes.  To give you an idea of how big this steak was, it took 12 minutes a side to cook (medium-well)!
 I continued to chomp away at what was given to me, savoring every mouth watering succulent piece.  By this time, Brian had been cooking for almost 2.5 hours, and I had been eating for 1.5 hours (mind you there was about a 15-20 minute gap while the massive steak was cooking).  Then, at 8:07, on February 11, 2007, in front of about five witnesses, I, Jason Edgar was full (pardon my French).  This is a task that does not come easily.  The final count of what I ate was 2.2 kg of steak, 1 kg of potatoes, a little over a pound of carrots, two tomatoes, 500 mL of milk, and 250 mL of water.
 To Brian, I not only commend you for cooking skills, but also congratulate you for holding to your guarantee; one that I thought I could beat.

[Editor’s Note: To those who may be unaware, Jason Edgar is known on campus for his eating.  Any leftovers at mealtime are put on Jason’s plate, and he will always finish what is given him, and still be asking for more.  For him to say he is full is a rare occurrence.]

How to truly embrace the art form

by: Jordan Vetro with Marjorie Hopkins

There are painters and there are painters, there are poets and there are poets, there are musicians and there are musicians. Each area seems to be represented by those who believe they need only the tools of a craft to truly become celebrated as one who practices it and there are those who have truly grasped the power and joy that can be discovered in their art form. Likewise, the lazy can be divided into similar categories. There are those who are simply lazy, who choose not to celebrate or appreciate the effect and power of their art form and there are those who have made this simple task an art form which all humankind can learn to embrace and appreciate. We at the Voice consulted Marjorie Hopkins as a figure of understanding and authority on our campus to aid students with a proper outline of truly practicing this, perhaps the greatest, of all the greater forms. This article has been published with her aid and approval. Below we shall discuss in depth the art of true laziness.
1 – Appropriate Setting
If one wishes to be truly lazy, they must make sure they are sufficiently prepared. First, one needs a comfortable setting in which to be lazy. One might wish to throw a few random objects onto the floor in a disheveled manner, and perhaps break something of value leaving the pieces scattered in an unified manner. This allows one to drain their mind of pressures that might fight their compelling drive to be lazy by helping them feel as loose and easy as their atmosphere.
2-Comfortable Seating
There must also be a comfortable surface which allows for the entire body to relax itself most preferably in a laid-down and leaning position.  A bed or couch is generally sufficient, and cushions and blankets can help to appropriately cushion the body for further comfort.
3- Formal Lazing Attire
One needs to dress appropriately for a truly satisfied session of laziness. Clothing such as suits, gowns, heavy Viking helmets and chain mail are generally unacceptable. Articles which aid one in comfort are preferable, and fashion consideration would perhaps do more harm than good, as nice clothing would only distract one from the object of laziness at hand. Clothing such as housecoats, pajama pants and T-shirts, fleece sweaters and woolly sweaters are generally more than acceptable. Bright mismatched colors are a preference.
4 – Set a Proper Schedule
Proper time should be allocated for lazy activities such as Television viewing, computer messenger sending and mass carbohydrate consumption. One must also allow for about an hour of extra time which allows them to fall asleep while enjoying their laziness and having a very fulfilling and stimulating nap. One must also keep a schedule so that they can be sure to be ready to return to activities such as studying, class, meals and exercise at the appropriate time. One must always keep in mind that too much laziness takes away from the art and can only cause monotony. The true masters of laziness are aware of this and truly strive to value their lazy time.
5 – Appropriate Materials
One must be sure that all of the appropriate materials are supplied for a truly lazy experience. Food stuffs containing massive amounts of carbohydrates and/or calories are more than acceptable. One must remain alert of labels like “0 Trans Fat,” “Now with 50% less calories” (which linguists have discovered is a direct translation for ‘taste of the sea turtle’) and “Light.” All of these things will serve as roadblocks which will keep the mind from truly embracing laziness. If one is afraid that the worry of such consumption will take over, remember that the previous steps have been designed to keep a well-rounded time of laziness worry-free! An object of laziness, such as a Television / DVD system, a music player or a Video Game system is always helpful, so that one may fully enjoy his or her lazy sessions.
6-Enjoy
Now that all is prepared, turn off the lights, dim your mind and enjoy the sheer elation that accompanies a well-deserved time of laziness. Just be sure not to make any mistakes, or the whole procedure is ruined, and you will need to start over. Just be sure to remember: true laziness, requires a great deal of work. If one truly seeks to be excellent at being lazy, one must endeavor to do the necessary preparations in a well thought out, reflective manner.

by: Jason Edgar and Brandon Meyers

In case you hadn’t heard about it yet, and have managed to completely ignore all the signs and advertisments, we’ve got you covered.

Anyone is welcome to participate in this event. Talk to any staff or Student Council member for more information.

by: Terry Ibele

A student with a hidden talent, Terry has been making stop-motion animation for several years now. This is one of his earlier videos, and yet is still well done, and funny too! Stay tuned for more of Terry’s videos in future issues.

by: Tim Grace 

A surprise down there
Colour in the surroundings
Don’t eat yellow snow
– Haiku

by: Melanie Vaillancourt
 
A squirrel runs across an open green field
Ignoring the signs that tell him to yield;
And as he runs, he does not see the fence,
Therefore he crashes and loses his sense.
The squirrel is placed in a good nursing home.
He thinks he’s a bird and wants not to roam.
He jumps from a tree and lands on the ground,
Causing his head to be swollen and round.
And as he awakes, he tries it once more
Instead of the ground, he lands on the floor;
The squirrel is put into bed for a spell,
The doctors are sure that he will get well.
Yet as he lay there in pain he does die
And at last he flies into the night sky.

PART I of II 

by: Howard Allen

Dedicated to all students who made me feel loved at EBC

            Below the high school in Walkerton, Howie’s heart break and loneliness continued. He felt that because he was not feeling any happier that it was time to go to another school and get a new phantom lair. He didn’t know where he was going to go or who he was going to sing with but he knew he had to go. All this bottled up inside poor little Howie.

            Finally a play from Emmanuel Bible College came to Chesely. Howie the Phantom knew this would make a nice change so he filled out an application and got accepted into the college. Who would imagine that the slow, good-for-nothing would become a college student. A new changed phantom life would begin and it all starts at EBC.

            The year began and the Phantom met some people who could set him off with a new home. One of his soon to be friends Brandon saw that the Phantom’s mask was really out of shape and too heavy for him to wear, so he made him a new one. The phantom loved it and wore it to hide all his sadness.  Brandon introduced the Phantom to Jason who gave the Phantom a new lair behind the stage in the chapel. Now he could listen to great music and find true love in Jesus because of their kindness.

            The Phantom was touched by their kindness and started going to events run by students like PJ’s and praise. His heart was opened as he met lots of great people who became his new family. One person was Crystal who he took to his lair. In there they sang Phantom of the Opera. She enjoyed his company and taught him songs about Jesus. The Phantom became interested in her songs and begged her never to leave him because he was very lonely. She wrapped her arms around him and prayed that God would remove his loneliness from him and left his lair. The Phantom saw that her heart was pure as he thought of how Crystal was one of the first girls actually to be nice to him and this meant a lot. The lair was full of twists and turns as it went around the classrooms downstairs and behind the stage.

            The next day the Phantom met Crystal again and she told him that there are lots of people in the college who would be willing to reach out to him and love him as their friend. The Phantom cried and hugged her because he needed to feel loved more than anything, but he would think about it for a while.

            This love made him very curios as he wondered if people in the college could actually love the slow lower class Howie. With this new thought the Phantom went to meet his next victim. The Phantom walked until he saw a girl with gorgeous blond hair. The girl’s name was Angela. Angela was not afraid of the Phantom or his lair but she stared in his eyes and like crystal saw his sadness and need for a friend. Angela wanted into his darkness so she could understand who he really was so she asked him about his past. He told her how he always felt alone because a lot of people in elementary and high school made fun of him and some didn’t talk to him because he was in a special needs class because he was slow and then he started to cry. Angela saw that he needed some love to know that the people in this school didn’t look down on him so she gave him a tight long hug.

by: Various Athletic Authors

To the EBC Basketball fans: You have been incredible. Through all our exhaustion, all our struggles, and all our hard losses, you’ve stuck by us. You’re such an encouragement to us; we’re always impressed by your energy. Although we are not always competitive with the other teams in our league, it is a joy to play, and a joy to play in front of you.
In playing basketball, we are building strong relationships with our fellow team-mates. But just as importantly, we are building bridges, connecting us (EBC) with the other Christian post-secondaries; we are building relationships that will last a lifetime, and strengthening the body of Christ. Please ask God to keep us safe while we perform in this ministry, and please encourage us by continuing your support.
–Brian Blake

To the EBC Hockey fans: The hockey team would like to thank all those committed fans who came out to support our team through the good times. May Jesus bless your souls in the future. Your attendance was appreciated thoroughly, because without you we are just a bunch of boys playing a game. Go Wildcats!
P.S. A special thanx (sic) to Cheyenne Geense for all his support throughout the season….NOT!
–John Hamill

To the EBC Women’s Volleyball fans: The women’s volleyball team would love to thank all of our supportive fans. Our tournaments were never close in distance, but it was the best feeling to see and hear EBC fans, few as they may, in the crowds. Now all we need are those noisemakers.
–Laurie Winfield
P.S. by Beth Michaelis – None of us girls on the volleyball team actually like the game. We just played to look cool. Thanks to all the people who came out and made us look cool.

To the EBC Men’s Volleyball fans: Even though most of our games were in lands far away, such as Toronto, and Ancaster, our devoted followers never ceased to give us support. When on the court, we were always sure to hear cheers of support from our beloved fans and we would like to send out our most appreciated thanks to those who gave us their encouragement. As for the rest of you, we turn our backs.
–Terry Ibele

Coffee Reviews Part II

by: Dave King

Coffee Review # 3

Location: Williams Coffee Pub – Fairway Drive, Kitchener, ON

Today’s Selection: Williams’ house blend.  Before describing Williams’ coffee, I need to make a differentiation between two types of coffee: Connoisseur and Joe.  These are my own preferred terms.  Connoisseur coffee is the type that you can get at a place like A Matter of Taste, which I reviewed in the last issue of the Voice.  Connoisseur includes coffee that is distinguishable by nationality, boldness, pungency, smoothness, acidity, etc.  Joe, on the other hand, is the working person’s coffee, an everyday grind for the daily grind of life.  Williams’ coffee fits into the category of Joe and should be compared to other types of Joe (Tim Horton’s, Coffee Time).  Williams’ coffee compares well in this category; it is a mild to mid strength blend that won’t scare off many casual coffee drinkers who prefer not to have to use many adjectives when ordering coffee.  Personally, Joe is not what I look for in a coffee shop.  But, that’s me.

Service: It was decent, nothing outstanding.  I get some good smiles.  Only once do I recall an order being messed up, but that will happen at all coffee shops on occasion.  At a relatively busy place like this, you don’t get as much opportunity to get to know the staff.

Atmosphere: Oh, this depends on what you’re looking for.  It’s not bad if you go to people watch; there are plenty of yuppy couples to watch.  It’s an okay place to go and get some casual reading done, but, as mentioned above, I’m more likely to do that at a place with better coffee.  Williams does have a good atmosphere for doing homework with friends.  You can order a few coffees without racking up much of a bill and get a fair share of work done.

Suggested Reading: A boxing magazine.  Seriously.  At a place like Williams, I prefer to do some more non-strenuous reading.  I go to read the sports section of the Toronto Star or The Ring boxing magazine.  Alright, so not everybody’s a boxing fan, not everybody knows Samuel Peter from Shane Mosley.  Even still, a cup of Joe and some light reading may be necessary in breaking up a monotonous schedule.

Overall: A 6.5.  I’m not a huge fan of Williams.  I just don’t connect with the atmosphere, which is a significant factor for me.  Also, I expect more than Joe from a place that calls itself a coffee pub.
Coffee Review # 4

Location: Second Cup located by The Bay at Fairview Park Mall in Kitchener, ON.

Today’s Selection: The Kenya Estate AA: a medium roast that still has plenty of flavour,  a solid blend which has been the most satisfying coffee of my week.  This is a connoisseur coffee.  Unfortunately, I was more focused on studying for a quiz at the time, so I didn’t take the time to more thoroughly analyze the coffee.  However, out of the different connoisseur coffee shops, I’d rate Second Cup ahead of Starbucks, but behind A Matter of Taste; the former is too inconsistent in making good coffee to rate ahead of Second Cup, while the latter is just plain excellent and will remain the best coffee I’ve had in this geographical area.

Service: It’s good.  I’ve come to know the baristas well enough.  They get the orders right and consistently make good coffee.  They’re also generally a nice staff by whom to be served.

Atmosphere: Well, it’s located in a mall.  So, it’s not exactly ideal for homework, but excellent for people watching.  Often, there are simply too many people to watch.  You know what I’ve noticed?  When a guy and girl are sitting at one of the small tables in front of a place like Second Cup, it’s so easy to see if he’s interested in her.  You just have to look to see if he’s doing the “lean”.  The “lean” is when he leans forward across the table.  You can tell to what degree he’s interested by how far he over the table he is.  If he’s got a hand or forearm rested on the table, he’s probably just content to be friends.  However, if he’s leaning forward to the point where his buttocks have left his chair and his nose is a quarter-inch from the girl’s nose, it may be safe to assume he’s interested in her.  You can also tell how (dis)interested she is if she sees him beginning to lean forward, and she leans a bit, too.  It’s hopeless: they’ve got each other hooked.  If he leans forward, and she remains sitting upright, she’s still weighing her options.  However, if he leans forward, and she leans back so far that she’s almost lying on the floor, you can bet she’s started asking such existential questions as, “Why am I here?  Is life really this cruel?”  In other words, Second Cup is a good place to people-watch.

Suggested Reading: Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky.  You won’t get through it in a dozen visits to a coffee shop, let alone one.  When I’m in a mall, I often get the sense of being completely alone even though I’m surrounded by a crowd.  This reminds me of the main character, who I struggle to call a protagonist, of Crime and Punishment, Raskolnikov.  Raskolnikov is a murderer who is followed throughout the novel as he wanders through the streets of St. Petersburg, Russia.  Even when surrounded by others, he is lost in his own mind, paranoid as to whether anyone would be able to link him to the murders.  As an aside, I wouldn’t suggest this book for people who don’t enjoy a long read or people who cannot stand characters who ramble.  Dostoevsky is masterful in developing the characters.  If anyone reads this book or has already read it, I’d like to hear your thoughts on it.  We’ll talk about it over coffee.  Coffee invites can be placed in Box 138 at EBC.

Overall:  Depending on mood, this Second Cup location is a solid option for good coffee. An 8.

Dear Queen B:

How does the Student Council President “Keep it Real”?

The Curious Committee

Dear CC:

For me being able to “keep it real”, it is really sticking to who I am in all
contexts (with some discernment).  So this means dancing in my room, and
occasionally down the hall; laughing out loud when something cracks me up
(which has lead to interesting situations in class); crying when I am too
hurt to do something else; belching when I drink a coke, and any
other bodily functions that I need to get out (with discernment); watching
the original Star Wars while sewing; playing ball hockey to de-stress and
prove that I’m not so little; watching the Little Mermaid with a certain VP
as we belt out how much we want to be “part of your world”; holding hands
with my love as we walk around.
I have learned this year how to truly be myself even when I know I am being
watched.  Because in doing so, people know who I am and appreciate the
honesty that I try to portray through being myself.

Yours truly,

Queen B