by: Stefanie Parsons
They were all standing at the door wearing their turquoise baggy pajamas. Most had long faces and some even had tears on their cheeks. I had come to the senior girls’ dorm to say my last goodbyes before I flew back to Canada in the morning.
But one of my student’s wasn’t there.
“Where is Jeed?” I asked the girls.
Pattamaporn had to get her from upstairs and when she came out her face was red and wet. We hugged for a long time.
“Please don’t forget me, Ajan Stefanie,” she whispered.
How did I ever come to feel so much love for these kids when I couldn’t fully communicate with them? Why was Jeed so sad to say goodbye to me? Why did God give me this gift only to take it away? I had so many questions that night and sometimes I still ask them.
For almost two years I lived and taught English at a Christian boarding school called Sammuk Christian Academy in the beach town of Bang Saen in Thailand. I had only been on one previous mission trip to Cambodia and the only practice I had at sharing my faith was as a member of the Christian student group at Sheridan College. I was very surprised when Canadian Baptist Ministries appointed me as an associate missionary and supported me when I was accepted to teach English in Thailand.
Only about 20% of the kids at Sammuk come from Christian families and the rest are Buddhist, the main religion of Thailand. Sammuk Christian Academy was founded over forty years ago where children could be educated by Christian teachers in a loving environment and grow up learning about Christ through biblical teaching as well as all the major subjects in the Thai curriculum.
Being of slightly small stature, looking young for my age and not knowing any of the language, I was not very confident standing in front of a room full of teenagers. Often they would not participate in the lesson or some would talk constantly in English just to get my attention. I didn’t know how to get them to care about studying English or even respect my authority, and then I realized that I must be serious and stop trying to be their friend and instead be their teacher.
After my first year I had finally mastered my serious ‘teacher voice’ as I like to call it and also had used the evil eye to great success. I was confident in laying down the law and keeping a straight face when a student would try to get me to laugh at their antics.
At the start of my second school year one of the girls asked me to be her tutor and talk to her everyday in English. Her name was Machukan (nickname Jeed) but she had never studied with me in my class before. I was soon informed by my fellow English teachers that the year before she had been the friend of the most disrespectful girl in school and had been in trouble frequently. I began to doubt her sincerity at wanting to study with me but after our first couple of meetings all I could see in her was a shy girl with little self confidence.
She told me about her dream of becoming a tour guide so she could travel the world but she worried that her grades would not be good enough for university. I shared my own high school experience of not fitting in and never thinking I was good enough. I also explained how God had changed me from being timid and unsure of my abilities to graduating from college and moving to Thailand. I told her that I believed that God can do anything and wanted to be in her life but I’m not sure if she understood. There was so much more I wanted to say to her but my time in Thailand was cut short and I found myself packing my bags.
As I left the school in the early morning, looking back at the ocean and the mountains my heart was broken. Not because I was leaving this beautiful place but because God had taught me to love. Through a language barrier and with little ministry experience or Bible training, God had made me a missionary, not just because I was willing to go but also because I was willing to love as Jesus loved.
